Famous last words...

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 13:26:34 GMT

i have such a great life =]

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 22:28:26 GMT

I got the job niggas!!!! =]

Picking up the pieces?

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 21:45:35 GMT

Things have been really good lately.
Saturday was the last big bash at Marc B's. That was good.
I got my permit and I've been taking driving lessons.
I've got my 5 hour this Wednesday.
Today I applied at Pac Sun and got an interview this Friday. Also got my ears pierced again, so now I have 2 holes on the left and 3 on the right.

Not bad at all.

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 15:58:57 GMT

You ever have one of those headaches that just doesn't go away???

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 13:42:24 GMT

I guess growing up means you leave people behind.

Why is it that no one sticks around anymore?

still writing in here

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 21:17:58 GMT

My ears are pierced now. Thank you Corie Busse!! =]
My parents don't know though, at least not yet. I've been trying to hint to my mom and find an easy way to tell her...but, that really hasn't been working. Anyway, I plan on gauging down to at least a 10 eventually. Maybe even an 8... I mean it's big, but it's not really that big. I don't know, my mom is probably gonna kill me if she ever finds out that they were pierced with a safety pin. Oh well. I'm keeping them in.

I'm going to the Commons in a few days to pick up applications from Levi's and a couple other stores. Hopefully I'll get a job there, we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, I've also been working on my mom to let me go get a tattoo. My dad is totally for it as long as I can find a place. I think they'll go for it so long as it's sanitary. They're just real afraid of it getting infected...same goes for the piercings.

It's weird because I've gone semi-vegetarian. I know, it seems like I'm just diving straight down the path of "scene", but none of that was intended. Shit just happened to happen all around the same time. Anyway, I like who I am so none of that shit matters. I'm doing what makes me happy with me.

expansion

Wed, 09 May 2007 01:12:07 GMT

today was madd good once I got out of school... I spent the day at Brittney's with Pat & a bunch of other awesome kids. Earl couldn't come, but I had a real good time.

=]

trigger happy

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 21:52:58 GMT

^{Hell, I don't know.}

whoa

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 02:36:42 GMT

....possibly a big mistake

awkward

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 02:13:19 GMT

It's weird when someone tells you that they love you but you don't feel the same way.
It's really weird actually...

It's weird to be told that you've broken someone's heart;
It's just weird.

And even after all that, it's weird when they still want to see you.
Really, really weird.

why change what works?

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 01:11:51 GMT

Today was substance free for me.
It sucked, but I did it.
I can't wait til tomorrow when I don't have any stupid promises to live up to.

I plan on taking some big steps forward, school wise that is.
I am grabbing my life by the reins.

Tomorrow I will go to my expand teacher & tell her how much I hate my project; how none of the hours I've penciled in have meant anything to me... that all the project has done was waste my time. (I don't think I'll say anything about not having done any work for the past few months). We'll see how it goes. Sounds like a baby step, I know. But really, the only person it matters to is me, and, it's big for me.

I'm going to start finishing all these books I've started. I finished Survivor today and was very satisfied. It was the first book I've actually enjoyed reading for a long time. For one reason or another, finishing books always gives me a sense of accomplishment...makes me feel like I've done something worth something. Anyway, I'm going to start getting books that I actually want to look at... not the Victorian era shit they force feed you in school.

48

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 18:52:03 GMT

I made rhythm & rhyme

12 hours comatose

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 20:48:53 GMT

The when, the who, the why, and the how do not matter anymore.

What I hear, and what I don't hear are one in the same...
and I don't care a lick for any of it

there is beer I could be drinking!

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 17:24:44 GMT

^{Essential Tremors foundation keeps sending me pamphlets and brochures.

me & my dad were reading some of them, and I kept laughing every time I read
"Fighting E.T. can be a challenging ordeal for an individual."

see I keep picturing this

haha it's kept me amused
I don't want to take any "beta blockers" and I think I'll talk em out of giving me them.}

people change

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 22:46:45 GMT

I swear I've abandoned some things.
The people who care have already shown that they do...

I guess the only question now is,
"What comes next?"

trep·i·da·tion

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:03:12 GMT

There is one thing I am scared of.
And it's been on my mind a lot lately.

=[

metamorphasis

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 01:22:28 GMT

In most aspects, I have abandoned humanitarianism. In its place, I have adopted a keen sense of reality and a sparkling sensation of apathy that allows each one of my fingers to enjoy and embrace every single moment of my existence... for the most part that is.

I am remembering how much my life sucked 2 years ago. I am remembering it, and laughing. I'm glad it's not like that anymore. I am glad I've changed.

in the eyes of the beholder

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 14:40:49 GMT

^{There are somethings even I won't do.
There are somethings I do not want to let go of.}

essential tremors

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 20:36:43 GMT

^{I have been "suffering" from involuntary tremors for as long as I can remember. That means that I shake uncontrollably, mostly in my hands and arms; and, no matter what I do, I can't stop the movements. Tasks as simple as reaching for a pen can trigger them...there is no pain involved, I'm just always twitching.

Today, in English, the tremors went up through my hand through my arms to the shoulders. So I went to the nurses and I was shaking real heavy for 2 periods. My dad took me to the doctor's, I didn't really want to go...but the doctor I got was real nice. She gave me a neural exam, nothing serious, just "follow this finger...stand on one foot and move your arms up and down...walk down the hall on your heels...now on your toes". Things like that. Anyway, she was real nice about it and so was the Med Student there too. The doctor said that it was most likely Essential Tremors. It's not uncommon, she has a mild case herself. She just said that my case is a lot more severe than anything she's seen.

So, she recommended me to a couple neurologists. My Dad said he'd take me because he has some personal days coming up at work. I'll probably end up going to the one in Fishkill. There's also one in Middletown and Brooklyn... the doctor said they were all really good, just to go to whoever could see me first. She also said I'll have to take a bunch of tests... to test the reaction of the muscles. In one they stick two needles in your arm and send electrical impulses, to check the response time. She had it done, and she swore it didn't hurt. I guess I'll see. I'll also have to get an MRI. Just stuff like that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_tremor}

antipathy

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 14:41:24 GMT

hahaha people are funny.
they must be,
because everyone around them keeps laughing.

that's what friends are for

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 05:13:38 GMT

^{I am going catatonic.
Fuck this, and this, and all of this.

Raccoons opened up my trashcan tonight.
I had to clean it up.
I don't feel like sleeping and it's 1:14.

I am not making gramatical sense.}

St. Pat's

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 13:18:21 GMT

Friday was good. Spent the night with Tom, Kenny, Matt, Kris10, Mr. Bear, Drew, Marc Bitches, and Ali... we all went sledding on School road.

I am honestly not entirely too sure about what happened last night.
All I know is that, if I was too intoxicated to use my better judgement about a serious situation...no one was there to stop me from doing something I may regret further down the line. And I think I hit Marc Bitches... which might have been the stupidest decision of my life. I don't remember why. There's no way I could fight him, and to tell you the truth, I don't know why he didn't just deck me across the face. Hell I don't know. I wasn't sober until 5 am. I guess I got lucky.

to get the hell out of here

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 01:07:47 GMT

^{Did you ever know exactly what you wanted, but knew it was impossible to get it?
It's hard... relying on the emotions of others. It's hard because you can't predict them. It's hard because you can't control them. So I guess sometimes all you can do is hope.

I'm hoping that I won't continue to get screwed over the way I've been screwed over before. I'm hoping it, but I don't believe it. I'm hoping that when I open up to people that they don't go laughing about it as soon as I leave. I'm hoping, but I don't believe it. And I hope that changes.}

contempt

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 01:36:56 GMT

^{My mom flipped out on me again tonight.
The sewing machine we bought is very different from the one I am used to, and apparently my technique, or lack there of, really angered my mother. See, according to my mom:

"I CAN'T STAND YOU, Julie. I've HAD IT. When you want to learn how to sew correctly you can come ask me. DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME until I've calmed down. I'M SICK OF YOU."

I never asked you. But I guess we didn't buy that machine so that I could learn how to sew properly... we bought it so you could showcase your extraordinary ability and display the fact that you are better than everyone else around you. And since that's the case, it seems to have served it's purpose very well.

I'll finish the damn project in school. I suppose it was wrong for me to try to get a head start on my work by having the initiative to take it home. Yep, that must've been a real stupid idea.

I guess everyone's just real sick of me these days.
This is why I don't want to go into fashion anymore.}

collectivism

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 18:55:10 GMT

^{I broke up with Marcin.

if you would like the full story then ask me in person.
I just wanted to let you all know before the myspace rumors began popping up everywhere.

Please don't be sorry about it either... I'm not.}